Family

“Part 3: Young Mom.”

We got through the first two topics, here we are at being a “young mom.” I’ve always known I would be a mom. I grew up with lots of siblings, so maybe that encouraged it, but I’m confident it was always going to be that way, regardless. A stay-at-home mom specifically, is going to be the topic. One who chooses to be at home 24/7 taking care of the kids and house, although she could go and work in any career. I became a mom, when I had our baby just after my 19th birthday!

Becoming a Mom, Among Friends:

Being pregnant while hanging out with groups of friends is difficult, mainly for physical limitations during activities, but it was also just hard to relate to everyone. I still could have conversations of course, but it was hard to find a common, relatable topic between us. We couldn’t really relate to each other anymore. Not many people are married and pregnant at 18 for one, and even the ones who wanted that in the future, were not quite yet interested in conversations that consist of such. Eventually, the friends that were more so acquaintances in a group of many, began to dissipate to go do other things, as did I.

I am a bigger fan of small, close-knit groups, rather than big groups of people you only have small talk with anyways. My husband is the opposite ironically, and loves big groups. The main reason people go to group activities with their friends is because they all relate in some way and enjoy doing whatever the activity is. You can have friends that are in different phases of life, but I think it’s good to also have friends who you can relate with as well. I think it’s just a matter of finding a new balance among them, through big changes in life.

Priorities change:

I’ve heard this from many, even my husband felt this way, that women feel more like a parent earlier in the pregnancy, due to carrying the child and having the physical effects. Where as the man, usually starts feeling the impact when he can feel the baby move, see it on ultrasounds, and then obviously the birth. The point is, usually the woman is treated as a parent earlier, so you get the effects of certain changes sooner. That’s what happened with us anyways. My friendships changed and/or just drifted apart a lot sooner than his did, just because some of the friends and I just couldn’t relate anymore. Our priorities were changing, but as they should! 

Thoughts:

I think that change is a part of life, and it’s not bad that having a baby changed relationships with certain people and didn’t with others. That is just how life works, when a big moment in your life happens. That shouldn’t scare you into not doing it at all though. Being a mom is an important job. It is the best job a woman can do! Becoming a mother, while young was a decision my husband and I made confidently, that it wouldn’t have mattered what people would have said anyways. The Lord loves children, He says they are a blessing! We should never treat them as a burden or curse.

Nevertheless, I know some people disagreed or thought it was crazy when I got pregnant. Getting married so quickly, it was obvious some people thought it was only because we had already gotten pregnant. Regardless, it was expected to happen, if I wasn’t already. Most people’s opinions this time around fell silent, nothing discouraging, but nothing encouraging either, which wasn’t all that bad. Try not to let people who are negative about becoming a mom, weigh in on your decision. I’m keeping the reminder on here, that everyone has different timing in life, and don’t discourage becoming a mom entirely if that’s what someone desires. The world does that enough for everyone already! Biblically speaking, I don’t think it’s wrong at all and I encourage starting your family as a young adult, if that’s what you and your husband want, and if possible of course.

Highly recommend this book. SO good!

Family:

It changes your entire perspective on things, watching someone grow and to be able to teach them about life. Planning to have or having any more than 3 kids, having them quick, and having them young is all (most times) considered, odd. My question is, why does it have to be? I don’t think it has to be considered a bad decision, or a regretful one, so long as you keep walking towards the Lord with the decisions you make. As for friends, I still have a couple great friends who aren’t in the same boat as me. In fact are younger, going into college and focusing on school! So it’s definitely possible to have and make it work with friends who are doing different things, but the point of this is, don’t be surprised to find that you lose some, and make new friends when you start having a family.

Overall:

It will be inevitable to drift from certain people, but it’s usually making room for new people to come into your life! That’s one of the reasons I made this is because I know the struggles of finding people who relate. Most 20 year old women, aren’t really starting families with their husbands, not in my area anyways! In my opinion there should be more young women and men getting married and starting their families, especially in the Christian community! but that is just my opinion.

Big decisions, cause big changes, and it’s not always a bad thing! Your family will automatically become your [new] top priority, if it wasn’t already! That’s one thing my husband and I talked through before marriage, was how do we see ourselves raising our kids? Are there differences, or are we on the same page? That was so beneficial to communicate beforehand, instead of pushing it off to do later, after marriage. There are obvious things that we wouldn’t know until having a baby, but we needed to be on the same page, all the same.

Like I said before, is there really a reason to wait if it’s something you want anyways? Beside’s certain physical or health limitations, why wait? If you’re waiting for the “perfect time,” It’s probably never going to be “the perfect time.” As my husband always says, “there will always be reasons or excuses, not to.” Regardless of when you have kids though, just know that they are a true blessing, and it’s okay for things to change around you.