Blog, Family

“Part 2: What Do I Do With The Truth, and How Do I Help My Children With It?”

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Always watch yourself, because we shouldn’t become prideful; we are not perfect either. That’s what the verse is saying in Matthew 7:3 (ESV) “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?” This verse reminds us that we are all sinners, we all make sinful errors. So do not become self-righteous, and remember that you were bought with a price; Jesus dying on the cross, for our sins.

We however, must still confront sins.

Speak Truth:

 Give them the truth, whether they feel like hearing it, or not.

Did Jesus stay silent amongst sinners, because he didn’t want to hurt their feelings or risk them feeling disrespected? No. He told them the truth even if it meant losing that “potential follower.” Nothing stopped him from doing the Lord’s work, not even people walking away from Him. Why should we allow a relationship, potentially departing from us, stop us from doing the Lord’s work?

These are things we need to make sure is not happening especially, before we commit to something, like a marriage. In that case, you both need to be walking towards the Lord— both putting God first, or else you are setting yourselves up to potentially fail, that marriage.

Maybe you’re saying, “well, our kids won’t have any friends, if they do this.” Sadly, this very well may be true, but ask yourself what is more important for them;

To have relationship with their current best friends? or to have relationship with Jesus?

In God we have an eternal friend, and if in being bold in your faith, you lose your earthly friends or even some family members, isn’t something like that always making room for something better? Maybe new friends, or maybe something bigger, that God has planned, for your life?

As Parents:

We, as parents, have the duty to make the best decisions we can for our children until they are not under our house anymore, but even then it is still our duty to advise them, and remind them of God’s word, the only difference when they have reached adulthood, they may not take and use all of your advice. Maybe just bits and pieces, or maybe not any of it. Having an adult child, is not an excuse to not give them the advice, and not advise them against sins.

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV) “Train up a child the way he should go, even when he is old he shall not depart from it.”

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You are still Someone’s Child— Adult or Not:

Just as it is our duty, to honor our parents.  That does not stop when we reach “adulthood.” Esphesians 6:1-2 (ESV) “Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),”  We are to always give honor to our parents. Obviously, as we become adults, get married and have our own children, we can make our own choices and make our own decisions for our own family. However, we must always honor our parents, as our parents.

To You, Who Have Big Hearts:

I guess lastly, I want to discuss you people out there, who honestly are like most people. You have big hearts. You’re loving, and so compassionate. I personally know a few people who would continue to give you anything, until it killed them, just because God calls us to love. It is wonderful, to see so much passion, and empathy for others, as well as seeing someone take on that commandment from the Lord, so eagerly.

The issue to this is, Most people like this struggle deeply, with rejection. They fear making someone else potentially feel rejected or unloved, because they were hurt by that so much themselves, that they usually just allow those people to walk on them, instead. How could someone reject you, after you just gave them so much love and compassion, right? and so what happens that i’ve seen, is they keep this vicious, cycle going. They spin in circles, where they keep pouring love, and pouring the gospel into something/someone that will throw it away every time, because of their unwillingness to listen. Or another scenario, the vicious cycle is, you are not pouring the gospel into someone, to prevent them from feeling hurt. Whatever the issue, and however you’re handling it, give this fight to God.

Love is not a feeling. Why do we rely on our feelings, to show us what love is? When we base love, off of how we feel or how we make others feel, we are setting ourselves up to never understand the love of God, and eventually might even reject Him, because he won’t always make us feel great. Sometimes following Him, will be tough. How will we withstand those hard places when we base love off of our ever-changing emotions?

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Fruitful, and Fruitless:

If your children can understand, talk with them about this issue and decision, use this as a teaching moment, and ask them questions. Do not end up, subconsciously teaching them to chase people who throw the gospel away, or to base what love is off emotions. Teach them to show the love of Christ to everyone, but to only pursue any friendship or relationship with those who have willing hearts to listen. Like I said before, they [children] are the most vulnerable, so let’s help them to identify fruitful and fruitless relationships.

Have them do the thinking and problem solving, see what answers they come up with. Teaching them using real life, is a great way to help them problem-solve independently, getting them ready for the world when they are older, and have their own family to make decisions with. Talk with them about fruitful relationships and why we should keep them close, and fruitless relationships and why we should not keep them close. This should not change, if it happens to be family members who are involved. The Lord has told us to be watchful of who we surround ourselves with. 1 Corinthians 15:33 (ESV) “Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” Proverbs is also a great place to read, for more guidance on this.

Matthew 15:13-14 (ESV) “He answered, “Every plant that my Heavenly Father has not planted will be rooted up. Let them alone; they are blind guides. And if the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit.”

Matthew 7:6 (ESV) “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.”

If i’m honest, I don’t have the answer to how people can be so full of anger, and hate. I still struggle sometimes trying to understand how God could even send his only Son for us, knowing how sinful, we truly are. But I do know, that the Lord will never do that with us, If we accept Him, He will never forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5-6 ESV). I encourage you, tell someone when you see them struggling, talk it out and remind them you would like to help, but do not push your faith in God, or God’s word to the side lines in order to cater to their feelings, or to yours.

Proverbs 27:17 (ESV) “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”

 To Think About:

Both my Husband and I recommend C.S. Lewis books!

With discussing that, what relationship should you be worried about? The one you have with them? or the one you have with God?

 If you are worried this person, or these people, will never speak to you again or even hate you, because of you shining a light on the truth, you should re-examine your relationship with them, altogether. That does not sound like a fruitful relationship you should keep close, nor allow or advise your children to keep close either.

We need to encourage our children to have “close when fruitful, far when fruitless” type of relationships. Especially, right now.

We need to be able to guide our children, so they understand their faith in Jesus Christ should and does, matter more than anything. We also need to be able to help them when they potentially lose relationships, due to their faith in Christ and are feeling discouraged through that. We are to be salt and light of the world. We cannot be the world’s friend, and the friend of God, at the same time.

Colossians 4:6 (ESV) “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”

Matthew 5:13 (ESV) “You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet.”

How can we guide our children, to stand firm in faith and lift others up? 

Through leading a Godly example, even through our errors.

As parents, we know our children’s maturity level, as well as what they can, and can’t grasp. Guide them through the Bible at the pace you think is best for them to understand fully, and go from there. The Bible is at a 3rd grade reading level, so even if you are worried, thinking “even I don’t know the Bible that well.” It’s not too late, at all. I encourage you, to just dive in and learn with your children!

To end it here, I’m not saying go up to people who are obviously sinning, and tell them they are going to hell. That would not be a beneficial conversation, for either of you. Start conversations with genuine questions like, “Why do you think that?” and “What do you mean by that?”. Draw out their perspective and their why’s, and then tell them what the Lord says about it. Keep conversations fruitful and calm as much as possible, and if it’s not staying that way, I encourage you to end the conversation there. Maybe try again at a different time when tempers are gone, or leave them be entirely. But again, always speak the truth. Don’t ever dim it down, don’t hide it, and don’t ignore it for someone, or yourself.

And, remember the sacrifice God made, only for us;

John 3:16-18 (ESV) “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.

Blog, Family

“Part 1: What Do I Do With The Truth, and How Do I Help My Children With It?”

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I have a great friend, we’ve been friends for a few years now, and go out to talk at least once every couple months! We will call her Jane (not her real name). Jane, knows of God, and of Christianity, but we personally, don’t really ever talk about biblical things. I went over to her house this last week, and walked in on something, horrifying. I walked in on her with a needle that was just about to go into her right arm.

I obviously panicked, and asked what was going on and she says this, “Jo, you are the only Christian friend I have and If you loved me, you would let me be and just accept this. If you do, you won’t have to worry about our relationship changing. I mean, as a Christian you’re supposed to be loving anyways, right?”

She continued, “If you don’t accept me like this, its going to break my heart to be judged so harshly, by you. I won’t see you as my friend anymore, and honestly we will never speak again. Please just be a good friend to me, and don’t say anything. I don’t want to lose our relationship, you weren’t supposed to see this anyways.”

What if this happened to you or your child, What advice would you give them? What would you do?

While this is not a true story for me; for some people, it may be.

 I have seen people, go through similar things. Different addictions, different desires that had taken control. Our children, need us to help them build confidence in their faith, to withstand these kinds of peer pressuring, manipulative people that they will more than likely come across, at least once in their lifetime. Allowing yourself or your children to have close relationships with people who try to entice you to leave your faith at the side lines for their feelings and for their sins, is extremely risky. Telling someone they are in the wrong, and offering them help to get them out of that sin, is plenty biblical. We are to confront sin, and help fellow sinners, by lifting them up! But we can’t be a friend of the world, and a friend of God.

Personally, if this exact scenario happened to me, I would tell her this;

“Jane, I don’t know what happened to you, but listen to me now, this is not right, this is a sin, you could die doing this and It’s not honoring to the Lord. I can help you find resources, I can pray for you, we can find other people to help you. You can hate me if you want to, you can tell me to walk out and never come back, but it doesn’t change the fact that this is sinful, and harmful.”

If you lose that relationship in the process, then God will mend your hurting heart. We cannot succumb to encouraging/condoning someone’s sins, or tolerating their sins for the sake of keeping a relationship with them. Jesus did not tolerate sin, He tolerated sinners. Humans commit sins, but have been able to repent, and be washed clean of them, only because Jesus died on the cross for His children; us.

Wouldn’t we tell our children to say something, to speak up and try to help even with the risk of losing that friend forever? and if the answer is no, then Why?

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Surely our Relationship with God, is more important than a relationship here on earth.  We cannot save someone who does not want to be saved, and we definitely will not do it better than God himself. So yes, try to help and pray, but don’t chase people who are not willing, and who are continuously throwing your efforts and the gospel, in the trash. Let God work in them, because at that point there is truly nothing else we can do, but take a step back from their destruction, get your children away from their destruction, pray and be still..

When we put God first in our marriage, it thrives.

When we put God first in our friendships, they thrive.

When we put God first, *fill in the blank* will thrive.

Compassion:

This is not to say we as Christians are so, utterly perfect, we still make plenty of mistakes. It will be difficult to tell someone (that you hold very dear), that there is another option than this sin, it is accepting the Lord Jesus as their savior and repenting of what they are doing, like that [example of] a horrible addiction mentioned above, because He is the way to eternal life, and not death. Those who go against God, hate the truth and they hate those who speak it.

Compassion isn’t ignoring truth, it’s speaking truth, even if people hate it. Do not get it twisted, that in order to be compassionate and loving, you cannot confront their sins, because it’s “not your place.” That is absolutely not the case, and it’s not what Jesus encouraged or exemplified. We can be gentle and honest at the same time.

Judge the sin, but do not judge the sinner, who committed it.

I know first hand, how difficult it is to have loved ones become harmful, and to have to break away from those relationships, especially when it’s to protect your children. Because they have either rejected the Lord, or they do know him, yet, do not care enough to acknowledge they are sinning against Him. I still don’t understand how someone can reject the Lord and His goodness, as well as cast hate upon him and people who love him, so easily. Family or friend, protect your children from having close relationships that are fruitless, and destructive. Our children are the most vulnerable.

We need to stop saying things so predominantly and broad like we have been– such as, “Don’t judge, judging is bad!” As a Christian, it is our place to say “Hey, this is not honoring to God, and is a sin that you should not continue committing. We can pray together, and find resources to help you break away from this, but it needs to stop.” As well as, point them in the Bible, to where it clarifies that it isn’t honoring to the Lord

Doing things like this, can be seen as judging someone, especially to people who want to be affirmed in their sin, and affirmed in their feelings. Regrettably, we all have done that; wanted to be told we are right, just because something hurt our feelings. I know that I have, many times. Where they are saying things like “if you loved me, you wouldn’t do this!” If it is something that goes against God and His word, than it is very much our place to say so, and to offer them a helping hand in breaking free from such! They should do the same for you as well, when they see you fall and stumble in your walk of faith.

I’ve read this book, and it has great points! Definitely recommend.

Verses:

– Don’t forget what we are fighting; not the sinner, the sin.

 Ephesians 6:12 (ESV) “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”

  • If you are afraid to confront sin, to have confrontations, or just afraid of rejection. Maybe you’re just utterly afraid to hurt someone, even while knowing it’s the truth you are speaking. I encourage you to read these verses and then both of these chapters, fully.

Psalm 94:14 (ESV) “For the Lord will not forsake his people; he will not abandon his heritage;”

Ephesians 4:15 (ESV) “ Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into christ,”

  • Test the word before you confront someone about a potential sin, making sure that this is something that is truly not honoring to the Lord, and is actually causing them to stumble before God. We are meant to lift our brothers/sisters in Christ up, not tear them down. Point them to the truth, and pray for them, regardless if the truth is horribly unappealing to the ears to hear, say it anyways. That, is far from tearing them down. I even encourage you, if they don’t agree with you and think you’re absolutely absurd, have them point out in the Bible where what they are doing, stands for being honoring to God. Talk this out, and pray for each other. Something like this shouldn’t really be a short conversation. It may not be an easy one, either.

John 14:6 (ESV) “Jesus said to him, I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

2 Timothy 2:24-26 (ESV) ”And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.”

1 Thessalonians 5:21 (ESV) “But test everything; hold fast to what is good.

James 5:16 (ESV) “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”

Bringing the bible into those conversations, pointing out what part of the scriptures that makes you so firmly believe whatever they are doing goes against God, will help immensely; rather than you just saying “oh, it’s cause the bible says so.” However, this is not an opportunity to become prideful, and self-righteous over someone who is struggling. While we are saved by the grace of God (once we accept Jesus into our hearts), we all still make sinful errors and we must remember, we are called to lift others up. This is what we discuss next. 

To Be Continued…

Blog, Family

“Trusting The Lord, While Moving Your Family.”

From a hike in Oregon, we did on our honeymoon.

Dream Home

I have a good list when it comes to where I want our family to settle down at. I want to have a farm on 5+ acres, I want to have room for our kids to play in our own orchards and pastures, with plenty of farm animals. I dream of a small, cosy home right in the middle of it all, where I make all their meals and we gather with family. Most importantly somewhere safe, and hopefully a great community around us. With the world the way it is right now, I have come to find that I’ve asked myself, and God quite often if that is selfish, or if that is not meant to be for us. Regardless, I know I will still love our life, just as I do now if we never have that specific, down to every detail, dream.

Housing Market

We have always kept an eye on the housing market just in case something golden shows up out of no where, but every piece of it that we pursue turns to dust and we get the door shut in our face. It’s frustrating, not knowing where we will move, what we will get, and how it will turn out, but I know God provides and He has not failed us yet, nor will He ever. We found a beautiful property, a great price for 7 acres, it was close to both our families, and it even had a sweet old, 1900s (falling apart) house on it. It was the “something golden” we were looking for, so I thought. It seemed so fitting for us! We tried to go after it, and it didn’t work out. Then it got re-listed 2 months later! We tried again, and still couldn’t do it. We had gotten our hopes up over that property, but it wasn’t the right one for us. 

The Lord’s Plan, is Not Our Own.

Where we will be putting down roots and settling our family, is so unknown. My husband and I talk all the time about where we see ourselves building a home, and honestly it used to be we saw ourselves right here forever, but not anymore. As far as we can see, of course. If it’s here in this state, or across the entire USA, I really could not tell you. Regardless of where we see ourselves, I’ve accepted the fact that God has different, better plans for our future. I felt pretty guilty for the way I acted beforehand, being frustrated when I just needed some patience. I know the Lord is good, and I know He takes care of us. So, I changed my attitude, I prayed [for forgiveness], and I thanked my husband for being encouraging.

I’ve told the Lord so often, that I’m thankful for having what we need, that I will be happy with whatever we have, regardless of the specific requests I’ve given. As long as our little, growing family is healthy and safe, I’m happy! With what is going on in the world, everything is so uncertain; safety is so uncertain, and not because of sickness, but because there is so much hatred down every corner. It can be scary, especially if you have little ones to take care of. I just encourage you to trust the Lord, He will provide. So, as hard as it is, I’m trying not to worry too much about where we will end up, and where we will build a home, because it’s already taken care of by the good Lord himself.

An Oregon beach.

If you are also hoping to move your family right now, you probably know how difficult it is to find something and how dangerous the world is right now, on top of everything. Maybe, you even had your mind set on a specific property that didn’t end up working out. I’m here to tell you, I understand the frustration and the worry, but God is still good! His plans for our lives cannot be altered by anyone, but Him. As for the worry of the dangers that this world holds; be smart and proactive, but don’t let fear control you. As for dreaming of a farm, or whatever your dream home is, I’d say it’s okay to want that as long as you are happy with what you have currently! I’ve seen the Lord work in other people’s lives, and I’ve definitely seen Him work in our lives! So I don’t doubt He has a wonderful home, just waiting for us (and for you) to find. Just keep working towards it!

In the meantime, I will give thanks for what we do have, and I will pray for the things we hope for. We all have a tendency to become selfish in our desires; It’s a sinful fault that we all have, unfortunately. We just need to be thankful for the things that we have been given no matter how small. However! that’s another topic for another time and I don’t want to trail off. I just encourage you to also, give thanks for what you have, pray for what you hope for, and have patience in the waiting because the Lord does provide.

Family

“Part 3: Young Mom.”

We got through the first two topics, here we are at being a “young mom.” I’ve always known I would be a mom. I grew up with lots of siblings, so maybe that encouraged it, but I’m confident it was always going to be that way, regardless. A stay-at-home mom specifically, is going to be the topic. One who chooses to be at home 24/7 taking care of the kids and house, although she could go and work in any career. I became a mom, when I had our baby just after my 19th birthday!

Becoming a Mom, Among Friends:

Being pregnant while hanging out with groups of friends is difficult, mainly for physical limitations during activities, but it was also just hard to relate to everyone. I still could have conversations of course, but it was hard to find a common, relatable topic between us. We couldn’t really relate to each other anymore. Not many people are married and pregnant at 18 for one, and even the ones who wanted that in the future, were not quite yet interested in conversations that consist of such. Eventually, the friends that were more so acquaintances in a group of many, began to dissipate to go do other things, as did I.

I am a bigger fan of small, close-knit groups, rather than big groups of people you only have small talk with anyways. My husband is the opposite ironically, and loves big groups. The main reason people go to group activities with their friends is because they all relate in some way and enjoy doing whatever the activity is. You can have friends that are in different phases of life, but I think it’s good to also have friends who you can relate with as well. I think it’s just a matter of finding a new balance among them, through big changes in life.

Priorities change:

I’ve heard this from many, even my husband felt this way, that women feel more like a parent earlier in the pregnancy, due to carrying the child and having the physical effects. Where as the man, usually starts feeling the impact when he can feel the baby move, see it on ultrasounds, and then obviously the birth. The point is, usually the woman is treated as a parent earlier, so you get the effects of certain changes sooner. That’s what happened with us anyways. My friendships changed and/or just drifted apart a lot sooner than his did, just because some of the friends and I just couldn’t relate anymore. Our priorities were changing, but as they should! 

Thoughts:

I think that change is a part of life, and it’s not bad that having a baby changed relationships with certain people and didn’t with others. That is just how life works, when a big moment in your life happens. That shouldn’t scare you into not doing it at all though. Being a mom is an important job. It is the best job a woman can do! Becoming a mother, while young was a decision my husband and I made confidently, that it wouldn’t have mattered what people would have said anyways. The Lord loves children, He says they are a blessing! We should never treat them as a burden or curse.

Nevertheless, I know some people disagreed or thought it was crazy when I got pregnant. Getting married so quickly, it was obvious some people thought it was only because we had already gotten pregnant. Regardless, it was expected to happen, if I wasn’t already. Most people’s opinions this time around fell silent, nothing discouraging, but nothing encouraging either, which wasn’t all that bad. Try not to let people who are negative about becoming a mom, weigh in on your decision. I’m keeping the reminder on here, that everyone has different timing in life, and don’t discourage becoming a mom entirely if that’s what someone desires. The world does that enough for everyone already! Biblically speaking, I don’t think it’s wrong at all and I encourage starting your family as a young adult, if that’s what you and your husband want, and if possible of course.

Highly recommend this book. SO good!

Family:

It changes your entire perspective on things, watching someone grow and to be able to teach them about life. Planning to have or having any more than 3 kids, having them quick, and having them young is all (most times) considered, odd. My question is, why does it have to be? I don’t think it has to be considered a bad decision, or a regretful one, so long as you keep walking towards the Lord with the decisions you make. As for friends, I still have a couple great friends who aren’t in the same boat as me. In fact are younger, going into college and focusing on school! So it’s definitely possible to have and make it work with friends who are doing different things, but the point of this is, don’t be surprised to find that you lose some, and make new friends when you start having a family.

Overall:

It will be inevitable to drift from certain people, but it’s usually making room for new people to come into your life! That’s one of the reasons I made this is because I know the struggles of finding people who relate. Most 20 year old women, aren’t really starting families with their husbands, not in my area anyways! In my opinion there should be more young women and men getting married and starting their families, especially in the Christian community! but that is just my opinion.

Big decisions, cause big changes, and it’s not always a bad thing! Your family will automatically become your [new] top priority, if it wasn’t already! That’s one thing my husband and I talked through before marriage, was how do we see ourselves raising our kids? Are there differences, or are we on the same page? That was so beneficial to communicate beforehand, instead of pushing it off to do later, after marriage. There are obvious things that we wouldn’t know until having a baby, but we needed to be on the same page, all the same.

Like I said before, is there really a reason to wait if it’s something you want anyways? Beside’s certain physical or health limitations, why wait? If you’re waiting for the “perfect time,” It’s probably never going to be “the perfect time.” As my husband always says, “there will always be reasons or excuses, not to.” Regardless of when you have kids though, just know that they are a true blessing, and it’s okay for things to change around you.

Blog, Family

“Part 2: Young Wife.”

You Read it Right:

If you read anything on the About page or even on my Introduction post, you probably thought, “did she really say she got married after 5 months?” or you did the math really quick and calculated that I was just 18 years old when I got married. If that’s what you did, then yes it was only 5 months, and yes, I was 18. 

Actually, both of our parents got married young, (and are still married 20+ years later) and my parents got engaged within a month or so of knowing each other. I guess you could say because of that, we never found it odd to do something along those lines. I was never really encouraged to go find a husband at 18 years old and leave as soon as I could, but I was encouraged to find a man of God to marry, who I could commit to live a life with. My husband was also, always encouraged similarly.

Ironically, we moved just 10 minutes away from him in April 2015. I crossed over the same friend groups and places plenty of times, but never heard of him until May 2019, when a friend of ours said she knew a good guy named Bergen, who I might like. By the way, I was definitely not looking for a guy at this time, but for some reason I decided it couldn’t harm anything to meet him, and just see what happened. Pretty simple story really, got set up by our friend, met at her bonfire, went on a date, and now we’re here! and all because of the Lord!

Becoming a Wife:

To me, being a wife is staying home to take care of the household and to “nurture the home.” While that is not always seen as a good thing, and is often looked down upon to do (and to think). An already difficult path to take in this society becomes harder when doing it at say, 18 years old. This society, makes it look like a rougher path. It discourages being a wife, and starting a family young because we are supposed to go date around, go be free from the chains of a husband and child(ren). Surprisingly, even in the Christian community, you don’t hear about how we should use our singleness to prepare for marriage and a family while being young that often anymore. We [as women] are supposed to be dependent on only ourselves, not a man, and should not have children, at least not until we are completely fulfilled with our careers first. Says, the world.

This one is next on my list of “books to read.”

Although, not everyone is like this, and not every Christian either. There are wives who are mothers and have careers, who are mothers who work from home, and mothers who are also just full time stay-at-home too! Every family is different. Biblically, it’s a woman’s strong-suit to nurture, be the caretaker and obviously, have the children. Where as a man’s strong suit, is providing, protecting, and working hard for his family. It’s beautiful, to think each one is sacrificing for the other, while following the Lord together. 

As a woman, never settle for a man who isn’t Godly. A woman needs a man who will lead her towards the Lord, not away from Him. A good sign that he is, would be if he is comfortable and willing to openly talk about the Lord in your free-time. Use this season of singleness as an opportunity to search for a willing and open guy that you can have those conversations with! If you’re ignoring a red flag, getting married won’t change someone’s mind on any said topic, (for example, like the number of kids to have). Luckily, red flags don’t always mean a done deal! I just encourage you to talk through those red flags, and make any compromises before marriage, so it doesn’t cause a rocky foundation to start with. One of the for sure signs that my husband was the one was, he immediately asked about my views, and wanted to talk about the Lord, and face to face, not over a text or anything. The important part is, he initiated those conversations at first, and he put in that work for our relationship to grow! I will note, that is not an excuse for the woman to be lazy, we absolutely need to work for it too!

Going forward down this path and becoming a young wife, I was confident about my decision, but not everyone around me was. Even in friend groups of other Christians, it was hard because it’s still not the normal thing to do. When you become a wife, to stay home when you don’t have kids yet is “weird.” We knew having a baby was in the very near future, so there was no point for me to get a job, when I would leave it to stay home with our baby anyways. We knew we stood firm in our decision, so we didn’t care too much what people said about it.

A Big Decision:

It is a commitment, a big decision, it is something that takes communication, prayer, and much thought, but is worth it all the same. I hear a lot that it’s [marriage] a “ball and chain, so you’ll regret it” which may be so when it isn’t done for the right reasons, but when you do it the right way, for the right reasons, its really the opposite. You should feel confident about your decision, you both should! Which is why I think it’s great to start preparing for that future now, while young. Why wait to get married and start your family? If you have found a great “potential husband” (or potential wife, if you’re a man that’s reading) for you, is there a reason?

Being a Wife:

I feel so much joy in the fact that I am caring for my husband and our household. It’s an important job that no one should take lightly. If you are thinking the same, I just want to let you know, society will get over it, the group of friends will let it go eventually, and if you both know you are following the Lord, then what’s it matter if it flusters a few people? If it’s also family you’re flustering, I know how hard it can be, but if it’s the Lord’s plan, then they too will be okay, in time. If you are on the opposite side of things and think we and others are crazy, thats okay too! I understand not everyone thinks this way. Like I was saying previously, even among an all Christian group, it wasn’t fully accepted. Everyone is different, this is just the perspective of one, young wife.