Blog, Family

“Part 3: Raising Godly Daughters”

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Only With Jesus, We Are Made Holy:

More and more, I’m hearing even in Christian places, that we need to tell our girls (or kids in general) that phrase, “you are enough.” That they are perfect, just the way they are. Sounds harmless enough right? Well, I don’t think so. We are truly not enough, on our own. That is the whole reason we have and need Jesus as our Savior, because we would crash and burn without Him. If you want to tell your children that they are enough, don’t forget to add it’s only through, and with Jesus that, that is true. Not on our own, and not because of ourselves, but because of Him.

We are only made enough, and made whole when we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. Only then, are we washed clean of our horrible sins.

Worth Mentioning, To Our Daughters:

  • The Lord will lead you before any man will, and He always will. So, put your trust in Him, if you’re worried about not finding the “love of your life.”
  • Don’t revolve around men, in your searching. Revolve around a man, the Lord Jesus Christ. 
  • We should never become unequally yoked with a man, because we gave up our search for a Godly one. Do not settle for someone, who isn’t a God-fearing man.
  • Don’t mix up perfect, and Godly, as the same thing, because it surely, is not. Don’t look for a perfect man; there isn’t one.
  • Creating relationship with God, and then searching for a good, Godly man to marry and start a family with, is how we should use our time of singleness.
  • Jesus is what makes us whole, not ourselves, anything, or anybody on earth will fill that gap.
  • If you are struggling with sexual temptations, do not try to fight it all on your own, call upon the Lord for help, and seek help from those close to you, so they can keep you accountable in your actions and pray for you!

Notes, For The Parents:

  • Always leave the door open for children to ask questions about anything.
  • Encourage the whys, and encourage the hows! Even if you have to do research on the answers! 
  • Our children will gain confidence in their faith, through our confidence in challenging the word of the world, against the word of God. We just have to show them!
  • Put in the work, and research the answers to the tough questions they ask! They need to see us as a Christian, try.
  • Them waiting a little bit for an answer, is much better than a pointless, quick reply to get them out of your hair.
  • They are going to need that, because their faith will be tested.
  • Teach them the truth, before the world can teach the lies.
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One Truth, and One God, Jesus Christ.

There is one truth, and one God. Everyone is always saying “what is your truth?” how do you, define things? It’s all about you; how you feel, and what you want. The world is becoming more and more selfish, as time goes on— relying on feelings to dictate decisions, and it has masked it to look like, compassion. If you are found disagreeing with “their truth,” you are outcasted as a person of hatred with little, to no compassion for others. That is a lie, straight out of hell. Unfortunately, the easiest way to make friends and relationships, is to agree, condone, or accept “their truth.” It can be very difficult to make friends, if you do not, do that.

I encourage you,

Do not give into the lie that is “you are not loving”, or even christianly, when you tell someone they are being sinful, against the Lord. If you see someone acting in sin, encourage them to stop, pray, and repent. If we allow feelings of “they will hate me, if I say they are wrong”, or “they will be so hurt with what I have to say.” etc, to dictate how we do things, we will surely be lost. Jesus probably hurt many feelings, when he told the truth.

Matthew 9:12 (ESV) “but when he heard it, he said, “those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.” I encourage you to read this chapter, in Matthew! We always hear that Jesus is “a friend of sinners”. He walked among them, and ate with them, but I don’t think he was a, by definition “friend“. At least not until they allowed him to change, their hearts and started following him. In this, it talks about him sitting with tax collectors, he refers to himself as “a physician helping the sick”. Maybe I’ll keep this topic for another time, but it is something to ponder over, and research more on!

I believe we can be honest, and kind at the same time. “Short term pain, long term gain.” Someone, somewhere, said that phrase and it stuck with me. Better to be hurt temporarily by the truth, than to hurt forever, because of a sin. so, teach or continue teaching your girls to be bold in their faith, and to be kind while doing it!

I think this is extremely important, for our children to know. As our daughters make friends and create relationships, they need to know to keep their faith in Jesus the top priority. Not to cower, or let go of the Lord’s word just to make a friendship, or to keep a relationship. If it means letting go of people to stay faithful, then so be it. It hurts, I understand all too well, but it may be necessary.

Great for the whole fam, it is an easy read. I recommend!

Another, Matthew 16:23 (ESV) “But he turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.” Now, I am not saying to go around calling everyone the devil, but I am pointing out Jesus, did not hesitate to put Peter back in his place, when he saw he was in the wrong. Can you imagine, during that time especially, calling someone “the devil” must have been a huge shock to the system!

While “the truth can hurt” is a cliche phrase, it isn’t wrong. Sometimes it is really hard to hear, that we are being sinful, or in error. I would personally, much rather be told to look at the destruction I’m causing and try to fix it, than live like that without knowing, and face God’s wrath, because of it. Although, unfortunately some people will still knowingly choose destruction, regardless.

Lets teach our girls, to not rely on feelings, to make a decision. Feelings do not always line up, even when a correct decision is made, and even when we have compassion for a situation. Our own desires (whether Godly ones, or not) do not even always line up with what God says, or His plans for us! We need to always rely on the Lord, and the Lord’s word. You can still care for someone and disagree with them, and you can completely desire something like a marriage, for example, and that may not be the Lord’s plan for you. So I encourage you, just trust Him, and do not worry about tomorrow!

Teach your children to be skeptical! The Lord encourages us to test everything! (so test what I’m saying too!) and that especially means testing things that seem God-sent! Even the Devil knows the Bible (and knows the churches), even he can make you feel calm, and nice inside.

1 Thessalonians 5:21 ESV “but test everything; hold fast to what is good.”

We are born into sin, yes, but because of God we do not have to give in, to sin.

There are a couple topics I will touch on again in the future, individually, but in due time! I’m sure you have tons to bring up about raising Godly, young men and how they should also be brought up, because I do too! but that is set aside for a whole other discussion as well. Presently, my husband and I don’t even have a son, although we both hope too one day! However, regardless of that, I will write about raising young men too! So, hold tight to the Lord, and be bold in faith, because young girls (and even young guys) need to see that kind of fearlessness, right now.

Blog, Family

“Part 2: Raising Godly Daughters”

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Raising my Daughter

I understand that a lot of women (not all) these days, think men are horrible, perverted, dominating creatures and while that may be true for some men, that’s also true for some women too, lest you forget. There are just bad people in this world, and we can’t use them as an excuse to treat the entire population of men (or population of women) like they are the exact same. Not everyone is so, horribly perverted. 

“I can do all things through Christ…”

  I will raise my daughter to know that she is preparing for a man that will raise children, and love the Lord well, with her. Most often, I hear that women don’t need a man bossing them around, or taking control over them. It’s the “I can do everything myself, and no man gets to tell me what to do” way of thinking. That perspective will lead you down a self-righteous, selfish path. It is only through, and because of God that anything is made possible, so we should not lead a life, with the view of being our own boss. If we lead ourselves, it will surely be straight into sin.

Lets raise our daughters to respect men, and to help them understand that good men, respect and honor us too. Teach them to first, be for God, and secondly, to find a husband who will lead them to God.

As a mother, it is our job to show our daughters what a mother should be like; how to nurture, how to care for others, and how to be a Godly wife. If you’re a father, it is your job to show your daughters what a Godly man looks like, and how they provide and protect the household. Good men lead you to the Lord, take care of you, and protect you from harm. Together as both parents, we need to show our children what a Godly marriage looks like, when the Lord is the foundation.  

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The enemy hates marriage, and he hates family, because it is something God loves and blesses people with. He tries to tear it all apart using the world, as his accomplice. The world, encourages you to give in to all of your temptations to sin, it encourages anything that dishonors God. Getting you to stray from your marriage, and family in this day and age is unfortunately, an easy task for the devil. So, our children need all the guidance they can get from us.

Let’s keep our eyes on the Lord, so our children can be encouraged to do the same. The enemy does not care if you idolize him in the process, he just wants you to idolize anything, but God.

Sexual Sin:

The world right now, is very sexual. It is all about bodies, and what to do with them. I won’t go too far into how they encourage these kinds of behaviors, because we can all use our imagination on how they spread this around, but it encourages sex and sexual behavior to our young children and it is just going to get worse. We need to be proactive in talking and having discussions with them on what and why, certain things are sinful, and what God truly designed sex for. Because, he did indeed, design it!

1 Corinthians 10:31 (ESV) “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

I encourage parents to leave openings for these kinds of conversations, and even have weekly discussions on these topics. Especially, if any of your children are in public schools! It may seem difficult if you aren’t in the habit of doing so, but it is quite easy to get in the habit of discussing worldly issues, and what the Bible says. My husband and I do it almost daily. Debates are fun, at our house! and we firmly believe they are a healthy thing to exercise! Proverbs 27:17 (ESV) “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”

On my list to read next as well!

I encourage you,

Welcome debates on any worldly issues vs God’s word with your kids! It will build confidence, and help them learn to combat those faith-testing questions they will get in the future! Worldly “truths” VS the truth!

What If I Don’t Find Someone?

Can a woman live a blessed and happy life, if she never finds and gets married to a good man? Yes, absolutely! It’s called celibacy. We are blessed, as soon as we accept Jesus into our hearts. We don’t need a marriage, for that. The good news is, the Lord loves to bless people with families! He loves the unity/covenant made between a husband and a wife. So, instead of instilling into our daughters that they can do without a man entirely, and that they can love whenever and whoever they want in replacement, let’s change our perspective away from that negative, and unbiblical outlook. We all, need God.

Be Encouraging:

It’s not a sin to have temptations towards sinful things, it becomes a sin when you act upon them. So let’s help lift up our children to the Lord, especially if and when they start to have those temptations.

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Encourage young girls, to prepare for a marriage and family, to be a wife one day, and encourage them to find a good, Godly man. Church groups and many people i’ve seen, have a tendency to emphasize singleness, but they never emphasize that it’s a time of preparation, before starting a family. It’s as if they are scared their young congregation will be lovestruck over every guy (or gal, if you’re a guy) if they emphasize finding one, while young. Maybe not every place does this, but i’ve personally seen a common theme.

 Churches, maybe subconsciously, encourage young adults to stay single, by staying away from guidance and advice on marriage to young adults/teen, and the world encourages any sexual behavior. You put two and two together and what does that get you?

I’m not against being in a season of singleness, I think there are still plenty people (and have been plenty people) who have lived celibate, in their walk with Christ and that’s great! Everyone is in a season of singleness, at least once in their lives, and it is beneficial! However, I do believe that the Lord gives us that time to get close to Him, prepare for a family, and start our “search.” We don’t have to revolve around guys, and be that “obsessed girl after everyone in her sight” in order to do so either! It isn’t unbiblical to use that time to prepare for marriage and a family; for women to seek a husband, and men to seek a wife and to stay pure for your future significant other, until you’re married! All this to say, you must first and foremost, seek the Lord, and continue to do so, married or not!

Marriage may not be a part of everyones life, but I do think it’s still something we can make sure we are at least ready for, if it does happen! Especially, by counseling teens/young adults, about marriage! I know people make mistakes and sometimes things have already been done, but that is why the Lord forgives! and that is why we need to forgive. Whether it be forgiving someone else, or ourselves for things we’ve done in the past, If you are burdened by a sexual sin, I encourage you to pray, repent, forgive, and move on. 

Being able to give that example to our children, especially in this sexually driven world is worth so much.   

To be continued..

Family

“Part 3: Young Mom.”

We got through the first two topics, here we are at being a “young mom.” I’ve always known I would be a mom. I grew up with lots of siblings, so maybe that encouraged it, but I’m confident it was always going to be that way, regardless. A stay-at-home mom specifically, is going to be the topic. One who chooses to be at home 24/7 taking care of the kids and house, although she could go and work in any career. I became a mom, when I had our baby just after my 19th birthday!

Becoming a Mom, Among Friends:

Being pregnant while hanging out with groups of friends is difficult, mainly for physical limitations during activities, but it was also just hard to relate to everyone. I still could have conversations of course, but it was hard to find a common, relatable topic between us. We couldn’t really relate to each other anymore. Not many people are married and pregnant at 18 for one, and even the ones who wanted that in the future, were not quite yet interested in conversations that consist of such. Eventually, the friends that were more so acquaintances in a group of many, began to dissipate to go do other things, as did I.

I am a bigger fan of small, close-knit groups, rather than big groups of people you only have small talk with anyways. My husband is the opposite ironically, and loves big groups. The main reason people go to group activities with their friends is because they all relate in some way and enjoy doing whatever the activity is. You can have friends that are in different phases of life, but I think it’s good to also have friends who you can relate with as well. I think it’s just a matter of finding a new balance among them, through big changes in life.

Priorities change:

I’ve heard this from many, even my husband felt this way, that women feel more like a parent earlier in the pregnancy, due to carrying the child and having the physical effects. Where as the man, usually starts feeling the impact when he can feel the baby move, see it on ultrasounds, and then obviously the birth. The point is, usually the woman is treated as a parent earlier, so you get the effects of certain changes sooner. That’s what happened with us anyways. My friendships changed and/or just drifted apart a lot sooner than his did, just because some of the friends and I just couldn’t relate anymore. Our priorities were changing, but as they should! 

Thoughts:

I think that change is a part of life, and it’s not bad that having a baby changed relationships with certain people and didn’t with others. That is just how life works, when a big moment in your life happens. That shouldn’t scare you into not doing it at all though. Being a mom is an important job. It is the best job a woman can do! Becoming a mother, while young was a decision my husband and I made confidently, that it wouldn’t have mattered what people would have said anyways. The Lord loves children, He says they are a blessing! We should never treat them as a burden or curse.

Nevertheless, I know some people disagreed or thought it was crazy when I got pregnant. Getting married so quickly, it was obvious some people thought it was only because we had already gotten pregnant. Regardless, it was expected to happen, if I wasn’t already. Most people’s opinions this time around fell silent, nothing discouraging, but nothing encouraging either, which wasn’t all that bad. Try not to let people who are negative about becoming a mom, weigh in on your decision. I’m keeping the reminder on here, that everyone has different timing in life, and don’t discourage becoming a mom entirely if that’s what someone desires. The world does that enough for everyone already! Biblically speaking, I don’t think it’s wrong at all and I encourage starting your family as a young adult, if that’s what you and your husband want, and if possible of course.

Highly recommend this book. SO good!

Family:

It changes your entire perspective on things, watching someone grow and to be able to teach them about life. Planning to have or having any more than 3 kids, having them quick, and having them young is all (most times) considered, odd. My question is, why does it have to be? I don’t think it has to be considered a bad decision, or a regretful one, so long as you keep walking towards the Lord with the decisions you make. As for friends, I still have a couple great friends who aren’t in the same boat as me. In fact are younger, going into college and focusing on school! So it’s definitely possible to have and make it work with friends who are doing different things, but the point of this is, don’t be surprised to find that you lose some, and make new friends when you start having a family.

Overall:

It will be inevitable to drift from certain people, but it’s usually making room for new people to come into your life! That’s one of the reasons I made this is because I know the struggles of finding people who relate. Most 20 year old women, aren’t really starting families with their husbands, not in my area anyways! In my opinion there should be more young women and men getting married and starting their families, especially in the Christian community! but that is just my opinion.

Big decisions, cause big changes, and it’s not always a bad thing! Your family will automatically become your [new] top priority, if it wasn’t already! That’s one thing my husband and I talked through before marriage, was how do we see ourselves raising our kids? Are there differences, or are we on the same page? That was so beneficial to communicate beforehand, instead of pushing it off to do later, after marriage. There are obvious things that we wouldn’t know until having a baby, but we needed to be on the same page, all the same.

Like I said before, is there really a reason to wait if it’s something you want anyways? Beside’s certain physical or health limitations, why wait? If you’re waiting for the “perfect time,” It’s probably never going to be “the perfect time.” As my husband always says, “there will always be reasons or excuses, not to.” Regardless of when you have kids though, just know that they are a true blessing, and it’s okay for things to change around you.

Blog, Family

“Part 2: Young Wife.”

You Read it Right:

If you read anything on the About page or even on my Introduction post, you probably thought, “did she really say she got married after 5 months?” or you did the math really quick and calculated that I was just 18 years old when I got married. If that’s what you did, then yes it was only 5 months, and yes, I was 18. 

Actually, both of our parents got married young, (and are still married 20+ years later) and my parents got engaged within a month or so of knowing each other. I guess you could say because of that, we never found it odd to do something along those lines. I was never really encouraged to go find a husband at 18 years old and leave as soon as I could, but I was encouraged to find a man of God to marry, who I could commit to live a life with. My husband was also, always encouraged similarly.

Ironically, we moved just 10 minutes away from him in April 2015. I crossed over the same friend groups and places plenty of times, but never heard of him until May 2019, when a friend of ours said she knew a good guy named Bergen, who I might like. By the way, I was definitely not looking for a guy at this time, but for some reason I decided it couldn’t harm anything to meet him, and just see what happened. Pretty simple story really, got set up by our friend, met at her bonfire, went on a date, and now we’re here! and all because of the Lord!

Becoming a Wife:

To me, being a wife is staying home to take care of the household and to “nurture the home.” While that is not always seen as a good thing, and is often looked down upon to do (and to think). An already difficult path to take in this society becomes harder when doing it at say, 18 years old. This society, makes it look like a rougher path. It discourages being a wife, and starting a family young because we are supposed to go date around, go be free from the chains of a husband and child(ren). Surprisingly, even in the Christian community, you don’t hear about how we should use our singleness to prepare for marriage and a family while being young that often anymore. We [as women] are supposed to be dependent on only ourselves, not a man, and should not have children, at least not until we are completely fulfilled with our careers first. Says, the world.

This one is next on my list of “books to read.”

Although, not everyone is like this, and not every Christian either. There are wives who are mothers and have careers, who are mothers who work from home, and mothers who are also just full time stay-at-home too! Every family is different. Biblically, it’s a woman’s strong-suit to nurture, be the caretaker and obviously, have the children. Where as a man’s strong suit, is providing, protecting, and working hard for his family. It’s beautiful, to think each one is sacrificing for the other, while following the Lord together. 

As a woman, never settle for a man who isn’t Godly. A woman needs a man who will lead her towards the Lord, not away from Him. A good sign that he is, would be if he is comfortable and willing to openly talk about the Lord in your free-time. Use this season of singleness as an opportunity to search for a willing and open guy that you can have those conversations with! If you’re ignoring a red flag, getting married won’t change someone’s mind on any said topic, (for example, like the number of kids to have). Luckily, red flags don’t always mean a done deal! I just encourage you to talk through those red flags, and make any compromises before marriage, so it doesn’t cause a rocky foundation to start with. One of the for sure signs that my husband was the one was, he immediately asked about my views, and wanted to talk about the Lord, and face to face, not over a text or anything. The important part is, he initiated those conversations at first, and he put in that work for our relationship to grow! I will note, that is not an excuse for the woman to be lazy, we absolutely need to work for it too!

Going forward down this path and becoming a young wife, I was confident about my decision, but not everyone around me was. Even in friend groups of other Christians, it was hard because it’s still not the normal thing to do. When you become a wife, to stay home when you don’t have kids yet is “weird.” We knew having a baby was in the very near future, so there was no point for me to get a job, when I would leave it to stay home with our baby anyways. We knew we stood firm in our decision, so we didn’t care too much what people said about it.

A Big Decision:

It is a commitment, a big decision, it is something that takes communication, prayer, and much thought, but is worth it all the same. I hear a lot that it’s [marriage] a “ball and chain, so you’ll regret it” which may be so when it isn’t done for the right reasons, but when you do it the right way, for the right reasons, its really the opposite. You should feel confident about your decision, you both should! Which is why I think it’s great to start preparing for that future now, while young. Why wait to get married and start your family? If you have found a great “potential husband” (or potential wife, if you’re a man that’s reading) for you, is there a reason?

Being a Wife:

I feel so much joy in the fact that I am caring for my husband and our household. It’s an important job that no one should take lightly. If you are thinking the same, I just want to let you know, society will get over it, the group of friends will let it go eventually, and if you both know you are following the Lord, then what’s it matter if it flusters a few people? If it’s also family you’re flustering, I know how hard it can be, but if it’s the Lord’s plan, then they too will be okay, in time. If you are on the opposite side of things and think we and others are crazy, thats okay too! I understand not everyone thinks this way. Like I was saying previously, even among an all Christian group, it wasn’t fully accepted. Everyone is different, this is just the perspective of one, young wife.

Blog, Family

“Part 1: Young Marriage.”

Why Wait?

Fast forward to the engagement, which was only 6-7 weeks after meeting My (future) husband Bergen. Obviously, I said yes. We had talked about everything important, we knew what our beliefs were, and what we wanted from the other. We were on the same page with everything. I mean, truly, what was the point in waiting to get married?  We didn’t see any point to it, so we got engaged and set the wedding date for 3 months later! (I wanted an outdoor wedding, but it still most likely wouldn’t have been that much longer, had I wanted different). We had a small wedding in late summer/early fall, and it was the best time. We had tons of support, we both have big families, with lots of siblings, and so we were definitely encouraged throughout that whole time, which was a huge blessing. However, because we were so young and so quick to our decision we had also been discouraged as well.

From a christian’s perspective, biblically, I think it’s perfectly fine to encourage getting married young, so long as you both have the Lord as your foundation and understand the commitment. I think because of all the bad experiences, and bad advice out there, there is a lot of fear about getting married young. Marriage and family is encouraged all throughout the Bible, it’s something the Lord loves! If you are one of the people who got married when you were older, or haven’t found a good guy (or girl) yet, thats okay too. It’s not the same timing for everyone. Unfortunately, we ended up with a handful of friends and a few of our relatives who were negative towards us and our decision. A lot of the relationships we had changed, or just ended up drifting away.

What People Said to Us, and Say to Others:

“You really should get in a few big fights, before you get married.”

“You should really go date around more first, and have some fun!” 

“You should go experience life more, and be young. I’d hate to see you give that up for a life of marriage and making a family.”

“Are you old enough for that?”

“That quick?”

There were also silent commenters, who just made faces of disagreement and shock. Some of these were said to us by our close relatives, and some from friends. Some of them really did try to talk us out of it. We also had a bad marriage counselor at first too, who seemed to have had a negative view on marriage, entirely. At the end of the day, we knew we loved each other, we trusted the Lord and were fully committed. We didn’t let it affect us too much, but it was a discouragement all the same. 

If you are in this same place in life, just know unfortunately, not everyone understands, and just try to stick with the people who do, and are encouraging you. If you know someone who is trying to get married young and you are unsure of their decision, I would say just encourage them to stay close to the Lord, pray about it more, and to talk things over with their future spouse. Let them know what you feel that is off. I would have loved that from the relatives and friends who didn’t agree with us, instead of discouraging the entire thing altogether, even with good intentions!

a fun devotional to do with your significant other!

As For Friends :

We are only 2 years into our marriage, but I still am very confident about my decision, as is my husband. Over these last couple years since meeting him, we’ve both drifted from friends and found that our big groups, have become fairly small since, and not all of it was because it ended badly! More often than not, we change seasons in our lives at different times, so people we meet come and go and thats okay. 

Getting married, Is a big life change, and doing so while young right now in this day and age, is not really seen as the normal thing to do. I think its because it is hard to find people who actually commit to things fully. Going out with a group of friends who are single and/or dating or starting their career jobs, while you’re married is hard to do at times, because it gets trickier to relate to them now— I say this because I believe the wife should stay at home and take care of the home (although, every family is different!).

  So while that doesn’t mean it does not work (because it still could), it’s just harder to relate to the most popular conversation topics. Especially if you’re focused on starting a family soon and they are not! Priorities change, and thats okay. Overall, if you’re in the same boat or know someone who is, just put trust in the Lord. It’s a new season. Getting married young is not a bad decision, and it shouldn’t be a regretful one. You just have to keep your relationship close to the Lord. And lastly, if you’re having a hard time letting things or people go, remember that new things are coming, and you have to make some room!